Playing Dress Up...

Today was our first session with the SPs, or standardized patients.  Basically, these are people are who paid and trained (well) to act as though they have a given condition so that med students can practice taking histories, performing exams, diagnosing stuff, etc.  Since we've only been in med school for about a week and a half, our first SP experience was mainly just to teach us to get used to taking a patient history (asking about present illness, past medical history, family history, etc.).  So this morning, first thing, I got to get all dressed up in my suitpants and nice shirt and white coat, and I found myself suddenly standing in front of a clinic door, about to knock.  

It was the coolest thing I have ever done.  

When I walked in the building, I felt a little bit like a kid playing dress up...pretending to be a doctor, wearing my short little white coat that signifies that I'm not really anything yet, with my rudimentary knowledge of the heart and connective tissue all I had going for me.  But knocking on that door *just like my doctor does* and walking in and greeting the "patient" *just like my doctor does* and sitting down and chatting with them and asking about what's been going on to make them come to see me *just like my doctor does* really hit home that THIS IS WHAT I'M HERE FOR.  I came to medical school not to study away for hours and hours, not to memorize random minutiae about the brachial plexus, but because eventually, I will be the doctor knocking on doors and hearing about people's problems and secrets and troubles and joys.  I will be the one who for whatever fateful reason will be privy to many people's most intimate moments of pain or happiness when they find out that they're going to die, or going to live, or going to suffer, or going to heal.  So before I knocked on that door this morning, I felt like a kid just going to school day in day out.  For some reason, when I knocked and walked in and there was a girl sitting there saying she had back pain and diabetes...it just sunk in that this is what it's all about, this is what we're training for.  And it was the coolest feeling ever.  

It also felt good that my SP told me I did a really good job with her history, that I had pared down the ridiculously long list of questions used to review the body systems' functions into a manageable list of relevant questions to her problem.  Her only critique was to try not to ask two questions at once, as people may sometimes get confused or only answer one of them.  Overall, she said I was very calm and talkative and easy to work with.  And it made me happy.  It made me feel like no matter how I do on my upcoming histo test, I might just make a good doctor.  

All of a sudden I think I've found my groove.  I think I'm gonna like this med school thing after all.