Playing Dress Up...

Today was our first session with the SPs, or standardized patients.  Basically, these are people are who paid and trained (well) to act as though they have a given condition so that med students can practice taking histories, performing exams, diagnosing stuff, etc.  Since we've only been in med school for about a week and a half, our first SP experience was mainly just to teach us to get used to taking a patient history (asking about present illness, past medical history, family history, etc.).  So this morning, first thing, I got to get all dressed up in my suitpants and nice shirt and white coat, and I found myself suddenly standing in front of a clinic door, about to knock.  

It was the coolest thing I have ever done.  

When I walked in the building, I felt a little bit like a kid playing dress up...pretending to be a doctor, wearing my short little white coat that signifies that I'm not really anything yet, with my rudimentary knowledge of the heart and connective tissue all I had going for me.  But knocking on that door *just like my doctor does* and walking in and greeting the "patient" *just like my doctor does* and sitting down and chatting with them and asking about what's been going on to make them come to see me *just like my doctor does* really hit home that THIS IS WHAT I'M HERE FOR.  I came to medical school not to study away for hours and hours, not to memorize random minutiae about the brachial plexus, but because eventually, I will be the doctor knocking on doors and hearing about people's problems and secrets and troubles and joys.  I will be the one who for whatever fateful reason will be privy to many people's most intimate moments of pain or happiness when they find out that they're going to die, or going to live, or going to suffer, or going to heal.  So before I knocked on that door this morning, I felt like a kid just going to school day in day out.  For some reason, when I knocked and walked in and there was a girl sitting there saying she had back pain and diabetes...it just sunk in that this is what it's all about, this is what we're training for.  And it was the coolest feeling ever.  

It also felt good that my SP told me I did a really good job with her history, that I had pared down the ridiculously long list of questions used to review the body systems' functions into a manageable list of relevant questions to her problem.  Her only critique was to try not to ask two questions at once, as people may sometimes get confused or only answer one of them.  Overall, she said I was very calm and talkative and easy to work with.  And it made me happy.  It made me feel like no matter how I do on my upcoming histo test, I might just make a good doctor.  

All of a sudden I think I've found my groove.  I think I'm gonna like this med school thing after all.  

One week in...

and a whole lot left to go.  First week actually wasn't so bad...spent the vast majority of my time attempting to learn about a semester's worth of cell bio in four days, which was relatively time consuming since I never had it in undergrad.  Once we hit epithelium on Friday, I was set.  For anatomy, honestly my only "concern" is that it's seemed far easier than I had imagined thus far, at least as far as the academic material goes.  Granted, there hasn't been that much of it, but I feel like I've done well getting a handle on it pretty quickly.  Lab....well, lab is another monster.  It's not that I don't like lab.  I think it's pretty cool to be able to see all this stuff on a real human, especially when you find weird little abnormalities and differences.   It's just....well, for one thing it's insanely tedious.  Spending three hours in a lab where only about half an hour is spent actually identifying structures is insanely frustrating to me--the rest of the time is generally spent cleaning (i.e., picking fat off of stuff) or watching.  Doesn't really help that I'm not terribly fond of the people I'm at the table with.  Not that they're bad people, they're just...not my type, for lack of a better phrase.  

The biggest thing, though, is that while I'm pretty much 100% sure I'll be 100% fine academically, my biggest fear about med school thus far is that I'm never going to make any good friends.  It seems like everybody else in the class either knows people from UofL, or from prematric, or from somewhere, and so there are already these little groups of people who seem to be good friends, who study together and hang out after class or go to the gym together or something.  I keep trying to meet people, get to know some people to study with or hang out with or something, but it just never seems to work well.  Saturday night a bunch of people went to a local bar, but it was the same deal...everyone else seemed to already know everyone there except me.  It's very isolating...I just want to be able to have a small group that I can go out with for dinner or coffee or whatever after studying, but I can't seem to work my way in anywhere.  I've met a couple of people that I like who are very nice, but I can never find them in lecture to sit with and they're almost always gone before me in lab, so I don't get to see them much.  I probably shouldn't worry about this so much, but it just gets tremendously frustrating when all I want to do is get to know people.  I think I just suck at making friends.  

On a more positive note, the olympics were cool minus the crappy judging in gymnastics.  Sigh...four more years til London.  

Orientation, or, How I Learned to Sit Still and Make 100 Friends in One Week

Since the white coat ceremony on Sunday, my class and I have been subjected to a week's worth of orientation.  This has consisted of some interesting and useful information, but really seems to be more of an excuse for us to get used to sitting in a large classroom and introducing ourselves to 100 different people per day.  It also seems to be a good excuse to go out every night without feeling guilty.  Overall, it's been a generally fun week, and I've met a good few of my classmates, almost all of whom seem mostly pretty cool.  I've purchased my books, picked up my scrubs, and ordered my stethoscope, as well as laid claim to one of the very few remaining anatomy lab lockers.  I've gotten free food every day, and today I signed up for clubs.  Other than that, really, there is nothing whatsoever to report.  Getting used to getting up again has been relatively unpleasant, but I think I've adjusted relatively well.  

One thing I have noticed this week is that I've been surprised by just how many people in my class are married--I sort of had a feeling coming in that I would be just about the only one and I would probably be looked down upon for it, a la "Oh, you're *married*." (read: Why in God's name would you give up being able to study 100% of the time and do something crazy like get married?  You're not supposed to have a relationship in med school.  Hard core, hard core!!!)  In reality, on the other hand, most of the people I've met have been *extremely* accepting of it and almost 1/2 of the people I've met (some older, but many my age) are also married themselves.  I even signed D up for the spouse club so that he can get integrated into this new lifestyle of mine and not feel completely out of the loop all the time.  Hopefully good things will result.  

Orientation week ends up tonight and tomorrow with a barbecue tonight (followed by a late-night haircut for yours truly--thank God, because while it's starting to grow on me the cut I got last week is just not really all that fabulous), and then BLS training tomorrow morning and a house party that I may or may not go to tomorrow night.  Saturday, I'm hoping, I'll convince my mom to take me out shopping and snag a couple of new shirts for fall.  At this point, though, I'm really just ready to get down to things, even if I'll probably hate it by two weeks in.  

A Short White Coat

Today was the white coat ceremony at school, and now I have a short white coat with my nametag on it hanging in my closet.  It's a kind of crazy feeling...but at the same time it doesn't feel real at all.  Met my lab group, who seem decent enough.  The nicest thing about them (so far, of course) is the fact that there are 3 girls and 1 guy (including me) and all of the girls are married.  I see that as an advantage because all of us are committed to our families and, while we want to do well in school, refuse to get honors at the expense of our relationships.  So hopefully while we'll all be studying hard, it will also be easier to stay balanced and have a chance to get home at night without feeling guilty.  Not much else to report, other than orientation starts tomorrow morning, so I'm sure there will be much more to tell in the coming days.