Burnination

When I started second year, everyone said that the absolute worst point in medical school was the month of January. It's dark and cold, they said, and you're burned out, and you just want to be done but you can't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I didn't really believe them. "How bad could it be?" I thought--I mean, after all we'll at least only have 2 classes instead of 3 at that point, and coming off a two week winter break should make things easier. Not to mention that this particular block only contains 3 weeks of legitimate classes prior to test week.

But oh--how right they were. The last 3 weeks have been absolutely trudging, tedious, laborious, hellish work. Not because the material isn't interesting--if anything, I've enjoyed pathology more in the last 3 weeks than almost any so far, and pharmacology (our newly added course) is quite interesting and well-taught. The problem is that we're still taking pathology, whereas all our other first-semester classes ended in December. And not only are we in a seemingly endless sea of diseases, but the test we take a week from this Friday is a cumulative final over everything since August. And not only is it a cumulative final, but the final is composed of retired board questions similar to what we'll see this summer when we face the beast that is Step 1. And we have to get a certain percentage to pass the course. Oh, and then there's the "regular" path test over the last 3 weeks and pharm too. And the fact that in less than 6 months, we have to take the first step of the national board licensing exam--a massive, 8 hour test cumulative for our entire first two years' material, mandatory to pass if you want to be a doctor and progress to 3rd year.

And so there's just a lot on our plates. I have spent the last 3 weeks getting up early, studying from minute one (more than once I've balanced my computer on the toilet seat while putting on my makeup so I could flip through flashcards simultaneously) to minute--well, however many minutes get me to about 10-12:oo at night. I have to cover each day's new material, read chapters of board review books to remember everything from last semester, do practice questions to get used to the type of question on the shelf exam. And while all of that sounds decently do-able, when you add it all together it becomes a very daunting amount of work that precludes almost any outside activity. The year and a half leading up to this point has obviously involved a lot of work, but this seems to be a whole new level of time consumption. Last week I got incredibly excited to watch some TV with D, only to realize that we had a pharm quiz the next morning that I needed to prepare for (which took about 3 hours). It's at that point that you can't help but question whether the 3 hours away from loved ones, shut up in your room with your nose plastered to a screen or a book, is really worth all this insanity.

Honestly, I'm starting to believe they do things this way on purpose--so that when we're done with the first two years of medicine, the 80 hour work weeks in the hospital are a welcome change just for the chance to actually do something, talk to someone, see real people and realize that all these weird diseases with their crazy names actually exist out in the world.

Here's hoping the next two weeks pass quickly.

Ultimate Disappointment

That's ok, Massachusetts. I didn't really want to work with patients who could afford their healthcare anyway.

A Look back

So, 2009 is over. How did that happen? Here's a quick summary of everything that went on.

In January, I started second semester of M1 year, and we shortly had an ice storm to end all ice storms. Sadly, that meant we had a week off from school but still had to do work since there was a test the next week. In May, I finished my first year of med school and D began his first big promotion, and in June I spent the month working at a pediatrics internship that was incredible and life-affirming and really makes me want to be a pediatrician. In July we had a lovely vacation with my family and D began to realize just how much his new job sucked. In August, I lost my wonderful grandfather and began M2. In October, D got promoted again and now thoroughly enjoys his position. In November, I signed up for the boards, and in December, I somehow managed to survive the first semester of M2.

In 2010, I'll take the boards, start M3, and go on a fabulous spring break trip to Europe. Hopefully it will be just as awesome as it sounds.

The goose is getting fat

Twas the night after finals, and all through the house

not a creature was studying, especially not about diseases spread by a mouse.

(There's a lot of those, actually--the things you learn.)

My only problem (if you could call it that) with finals being over is the fact that I always wake up the next morning with a start, thinking I've overslept and wondering what I need to be studying. But then I realize that it's all over and I can sleep in another few hours (or eight). That's a good feeling.

Now I get two whole weeks with which to do absolutely NOTHING. Actually, not so much nothing, but now I get to do all the things I want to do without thinking about the multiple different types of ovarian cancer or hemorrhagic fever. Today I went shopping with my mom and sisters and then wrapped presents. Now all my shopping is done and my presents are under the tree and there is possibly no feeling in the world so satisfying. I'm such a Christmas dork. After dinner tonight, D and I watched the Muppet Christmas Carol, and I can't imagine that a five year old would have had more fun than me.

I'm particularly excited about Christmas this year because one of my cousins is due to have a baby any day now, and will get induced on Wednesday if she doesn't go into labor on her own before then. Which means we'll have a very brand new baby here for Christmas dinner (!!!). One more reason to celebrate. Can't wait.

Thanksgiving was lovely--I planned on taking the entire weekend off, but wasn't nearly as productive the Tuesday prior as I expected. It ended up turning out great--I was able to study for only the briefest amount of time each day and got immense amounts of work done. I always feel like I do my best work when I can do it in little bursts, at my own pace, when I want to, rather than forcing myself through hours and hours of work. Sadly, I don't go to medical school in Fantasy Land.

Now that we're back, it's the home stretch and the burnout is kicking in in serious ways. It doesn't help that, due to the time off for the holiday, we are now packing as MUCH SCHOOL into the final two weeks as is humanly possible. Honestly, it's pretty ridiculous. Oh well--two weeks and then it's all over (for two weeks).

Even so, as I walked to school this morning, I listened to Christmas carols on my iPod and couldn't help but smile.

Venipuncture

Cool news of the week: I drew blood for the first time on Wednesday! And I was the only person in my group who managed to at least half-way fill up the vial. I felt accomplished. Of course, I left a lovely bruise on my friend F's arm and she on mine, but what they hey, we have to learn somewhere.

It's actually kind of cool to learn on each other, because knowing that it really doesn't hurt that bad gives you a little more confidence to do it to someone else--and if you can do it on your best friend, you can probably do it to a stranger even easier.

One thing we did discover, however, is that phlebotomy is possibly the most ripe conversation topic for "That's What She Said" jokes of. all. time. I mean, it's kind of ridiculous. Witness said conversation between F and I after the session:

F: Ouch, I hope that didn't hurt you too much.

B: Not really, I think you just weren't in deep enough the first time. It wasn't so bad after you went in a little deeper.

F: Yeah, I think I was so worried about trying not to wiggle it around too much, I couldn't think about much else. Also, sorry for squirting all over you at the end.

I kid you not. We did realize at that point that anyone walking past us on the street would probably be appalled and/or laughing hysterically, so hopefully we were at least entertaining.

Alert the media

I just registered to apply to take the USMLE Step 1 (aka: The Boards) in June. $500 later, I am committed to taking the most frightening test in the world in a little more than six months.

Holy. Shit.